Dixie van de Flier Davis,
Founder & President Emerita
What’s on Their Minds?
Sometimes when we watch Wednesday’s Child we wonder what the children are thinking about. Staff at The Adoption Exchange try to schedule an outing that will be fun. And the young people usually have a good time.
They know the purpose of the interview. And during the taping adolescents often let us all know what is on their minds. Here is a sampling of comments from some teenagers in Utah.
Brad (age 14): “I want parent would we treat me right – treat me like their son.”
Allen (age 12): “The would have to be caring and take it easy on me for a few days…like if you don’t eat all of your dinner, they’d still give you dessert.”
Terry (age 13): When you’re in a permanent home you don’t have to worry about moving.”
William (age 16): I was born into a family that wasn’t that pleasant. The other kids had families that would come to their football games. I didn’t have anyone to come to my football games.”
______________________________________________________
Learn more about Dixie.
Dixie van de Flier Davis, Executive Director
Is There A Teenager In Your Future?
The holidays are over. Decorations are packed away to make room for the new year.
Most of us got more than we needed. We can look at photographs and smile over the memories of the time we spent with family members.
But not Laura, who burst into tears and said, “I think I deserve to know what it is like to be loved.”
Hundreds of teenagers are waiting. I hope 2013 will be the year for Amanda, Breeanna and Glen. You can find their pictures along with 273 others who are over 13 years old and deserve to know what it’s like to be loved. Click here to browse our Children’s Gallery, fully searchable by age and other criteria.
______________________________________________________
Learn more about Dixie.
Dixie van de Flier Davis, Executive Director
Daniel’s Comments on Self Esteem
Things people say to us and the way we are treated as we grow up have a powerful impact on how we see our selves. Healthy people (young and old) are people who have been valued and thereby know they are loveable and valuable people.
Children who are told by gesture or words that they matter very little, spend their young adulthoods trying to fill the empty places in their hearts.
Daniel described the challenge with eloquence. He said that he needed help after being adopted. He remembered his journey through foster care, moving from house-to-house-to-house with his meager belongings loaded into a trash bag … before he moved home.
“I wasn’t sure whether my stuff was trash or if I was trash,” he said.
______________________________________________________
Learn more about Dixie.
Dixie van de Flier Davis, Executive Director
Another Holiday Season Without A Family
Diedre can’t get fifteen year old Troy out off her mind. He is going to be celebrating yet another holiday without a permanent family. She wants his wish to come true for him — his wish for a family to “love and accept me as I am.”
Troy is a lot like other teenagers. He likes video games, reading fiction, listening to music. He has a favorite pair of socks that have come to be known as his “lucky socks.”
Unlike most other teenagers, every Friday Troy calls his Arizona case worker to ask if there is any progress yet on the search for his family.
Since I heard Diedre talk about him I haven’t been able to forget him either.
Please take a look at Troy’s photograph and read a little about him. If you’d like to join the effort to see that he will spend his next birthday in a forever family, share his story with a friend.
It would be the best holiday gift we could give him. Thank you.
http://www.adoptuskids.org/_app/child/viewp.aspx?id=46232
______________________________________________________
Learn more about Dixie.
Dixie van de Flier Davis, Executive Director
Complicated Emotions
The overlay of feelings of loss and longing are complicated. For children in foster care hope blends with despair. Anger is mixed with tenderness. The collision of emotions is complicated and confusing.
The Pew Commission invited a number of youth who had experienced foster care to express their feelings through art and poetry.
Mama, Carry Me Home
I lose my eyes at night and dream; Your face the first I see Just as tomorrow's gleam Still devastated from the day They took my brothers and I away By the look you gave me I knew I'd see you another day Over time, I've grown emotionally stronger Not wanting to feel pity; Only accepting the facts of life God has written for me Yet still I miss those days I felt the safest; from your hugs and kisses Never doubting your love for us Now you're the biggest of my misses In my sleep, I can hear the songs You used to hum and sing to me. The melody making the belief it's once again reality. These past three years haven't been so easy; Although I know things can be worse Like some days, I feel I can't walk on my own... I just need you, mama — To carry me home.
Khadijah, age 16
______________________________________________________
Dixie van de Flier Davis, Executive Director
Joél
Joél was a memorable trainer. Though cancer took her from us way too soon, we still remember the essence of her message.
“I’m one of the adoptive applicants you would have likely rejected,” she said. Joél wanted a baby. It didn’t happen for her biologically. So, like many who begin their quest to adopt, Joél and her husband sought to adopt a newborn infant.
Then they learned about children in foster care who were waiting for love. And that caused them to change directions.
Years later Joél reminded colleagues not to overlook those who could grow into good parents for challenged children, even though their first interest in adopting might not look like a good fit.
Joél left a legacy. She taught hundreds of us something we won’t forget. And she gave two children (and their children to follow) a whole new future.
“Now you can judge me. Decide for yourself whether I’ve been a good mom for the two children who came to us through foster care,” she said. “But one thing is certain. My children have been loved.”
______________________________________________________
Dixie van de Flier Davis, Executive Director
The Long Road
The annual adoption party at White Fence Farm has developed a reputation. So I’m no longer surprised that parents schedule their summer vacations around this event. They don’t just drive across town to attend. Every year there are parents who have driven from the other end of the state and from several neighboring states.
It’s a long trip. But they always arrive in good spirits.
It is a great party because everyone has fun and learns a lot. And it is a great party because it brings results.
It should not be a surprise to know that a few weeks ago Tracy Williams, a caseworker, decided to take the road and attend the party. She drove over 250 miles to bring two children to meet prospective parents.
And it was absolutely worth the extra effort. Thanks to a caseworker who is willing to go the extra (hundreds of) miles, several families have stepped forward for consideration. Soon we will be hearing about another adoptive placement.
Many thanks to all of the caseworkers across the country who go the distance to make the long road a little shorter for children and families.
______________________________________________________
Learn more about Dixie.
Dixie van de Flier Davis, Executive Director
The Perfect Family For Paul
Barbara loves order. She is always neatly dressed, and you’d swear she just came from the hairdresser. When she worked at The Adoption Exchange, her office was always clean. I still find files with her beautiful handwritten notes.
But Barbara says that families don’t have to be just like each other (and they certainly don’t have to be like her) to be perfect parents for the children.
She remembers the couple who asked to adopt Paul. They lived in a tiny house in a very ordinary neighborhood. They liked to run barefoot in the summer. They weren’t joggers or dieters. Their little house was pretty cluttered, and they didn’t work out in the gym.
When she visited them after Paul came into their family, she was moved. It was impossible to tell which of their children was the adopted child. No one seemed crowded by the size of the house. There was a lot of healthy hugging, and she could see Paul was drinking in their affection.
Paul’s parents are grateful that he is in their lives. And Barbara says he got just what he needed.
______________________________________________________
Learn more about Dixie.
Dixie van de Flier Davis, Executive Director
I Am a Blessed Child
Those are the words she wrote. But it didn’t begin that way. Shanté came into foster care when she was eight years old. But she blossomed with the care and love of her adoptive mom. They met at school, where her mom-to be was a social worker.
“On August 28, 1991 we went down to the courtroom and everything was finalized. I was finally in a home to call my own. That’s where I stand now – in a blessed family and with friends.”
“I enjoy my family. I am a blessed child and it shows in everything I do, If there is anything in life that a child needs, it is a family. I think o child is to be lonely in these days. It only leads to destruction of a child’s life.”
Shanté is grown now, and a mother herself.
______________________________________________________
Learn more about Dixie.
Dixie van de Flier Davis, Executive Director
Martin and DeShawn
The children and youth are often our best teachers. One such teacher materialized at an awards ceremony in Chicago.
Martin looked very handsome and a little nervous. He was dressed in a suit and tie and stood next to his mom at the podium. They had been asked to say a few words about their adoption and to assist in the presentation of a couple of awards.
Adoption professionals in the audience beamed as they spoke. Everyone was proud, and the pride was well deserved.
After the fanfare was over, Martin turned to me and asked, “Can I look at the picture book?” Of course the answer was yes. He was referring to the photo album filled with pictures and profiles of children who were waiting for families.
I guess the time to gloat was over. Enough of that – let’s get to work!
Martin went straight to the “D” section of the alphabetically organized book. He was looking for someone in particular. “I want to know if DeShawn is still in the picture book,” he said.
Martin was a good teacher. He kept my focus where it needed to be.
I asked him to tell me about DeShawn. “He was my foster brother, and he still needs to be adopted.”
______________________________________________________
Learn more about Dixie.