They say it takes a village. And I think it has taken a entire population to raise me. Fortunately I’ve had some great coaches. I’m deeply grateful to each one of us.

Some of you know who you are because you had to grab me by the collar to get my attention. Others of you have taught me by the way you’ve lived your lives.

Bob has been one of my teachers. In the first decade of The Adoption Exchange, he made his legal services available pro bono. For anything we needed.

And then he volunteered his time to help raise money, plan events, and develop corporate policies and procedures.

Bob spent many, many hours, always smiling. He didn’t have an adoption history that I knew of. And he didn’t have self interests to protect. He just did it. So one day I naively asked him what motivated him.

“It’s the right thing to do,” he said.

Sometimes people hesitate to adopt because they think they won’t be good enough.

The children have already been compromised by abuse and neglect. The child welfare, mental health, education and court systems have let them down. Won’t it take really incredible people to be their parents?

We are tempted to think the children deserve super-moms and super-dads, given the trauma they’ve survived. But if we wait for that, they won’t ever have stability and love.

Helen Costello says that happy endings only happen in fairy tales. Then she goes on to say that happiness in some stories come after trials and turbulence.

And she should know. Helen has been an adoption professional, teacher, psychotherapist, and child welfare worker for as long as I have worked in the field. She has been an enabling presence in the lives of hundreds of Montana families.

When one family called and asked her to come and get their adopted daughter, Helen didn’t panic. And she didn’t get angry. She just said, “I can’t. She is your daughter.” Then she made an offer to help them be the kind of parents their child needed. Helen had seen families in crisis. She didn’t rush out and remove the troubled teenager. But she did spend the next two years helping the family get back on track.

One of the chapters in her book, From the Heart, is titled “Parenting.” Helen begins the chapter with a sort of definition of good parenting: “We are here for you! We may stumble, but we will not let you down!”

Helen is a good therapist. The real life stories in her book remind us that it doesn’t take perfection. It takes commitment.

Costello, Helen. From the Heart, Great Falls, MT, 2010.

I found this poem by Gerald G. Jampolsky, M.D., in a book titled A Grateful Heart.

As a child
    I was told and believed
        that there was a treasure
            buried beneath every rainbow.

I believed it so much that
    I have been unsuccessfully
        chasing rainbows
            most of my life.

I wonder why
    no one ever told me
        that the rainbow
    and the treasure
        were both
            within me.

Thanks to all of the therapists, lay counselors, teachers, aunts, uncles, and adoptive parents who help the children find the treasures within themselves.

M.J. Ryan, Editor, A Grateful Heart, Conari Press, Berkeley, CA, 1994.

I wonder what Marty is doing today. She is 33 years old now. She lived in Idaho when she wrote a note and mailed it to our office in 1989, roughly 6,901 adoptions ago. This is what she said:

Dear Wednesday’s Child,

I hope you find homes for all the children. I have always wanted a little brother or sister from Wednesday’s Child. I am 10 years old. . . I like you a lot.

Your friend,
Marty

P.S. Wednesday’s Child – I like you!

Marty’s mom enclosed a check for $1.00, representing Marty’s gift from her own allowance.

If you’re reading this, Marty, I want you to know that your gift helped us find families for children waiting in foster care. It arrived just when we needed it. And we needed the inspiration and the love that came with your donation.

We like you a lot, too! Thank you.

Diane’s adoption journey began long before she met her daughter. She is my guest blogger today, and this is their story:

In April 2009 I attended a class you held [for] people interested in adopting. The biggest thing I came away with after attending the class was that I wanted to take the foster-to-adopt training…I ended up completing the next session of training and received my foster care certification that fall.

I fostered one 13 year old girl over the Christmas holidays and I absolutely knew I wanted to adopt a girl about that age.

I attended an Adoption Exchange event the fall of 2009 that showcased the children that were waiting to be adopted. No children were present; it was just the caseworkers.

I spoke to as many of the different county representatives as I could, telling them about the child I was looking to adopt. One of the caseworkers told me about a 13 year old girl who sounded like just what I was looking for; all my boxes were checked, so to speak.

However she said the girl had just gone through a difficult time and was traumatized…So we decided I would keep in touch but wait.

I waited and waited and checked in with the caseworker. Then in the spring of 2010 I attended The Adoption Exchange waiting child event at Boondocks. Low and behold the child of my heart was at the event. I spoke with her and watched her dance. Then I found out she had been taped to be featured as a Wednesday’s Child. I never saw the segment until much later. However, I did commit to adopting her.

She moved in on August 16, and our adoption was final in February, 2011.

The adoption hearing was a wonderful beginning to the next chapter of our life together and was attended by our minister, family and friends including Savannah’s birth aunt and uncle. We had a fun celebration at Gunther Toody’s afterwards. Savannah also maintains contact with her two brothers so her family has just gotten larger and better.

The first week in April The Adoption Exchange will host a party at Boondocks family fun center with a very special purpose – to connect waiting children with permanent families. This event is one of several that take place during the year. They are open to families with approved home studies who are eager to adopt a child or sibling group from foster care.

I can hardly wait to see what happens at the party.

One prospective parent said this, “For adoptive parents, it can be a long and lonely road…Adoption parties give adoptive parents hope.”

Sometimes we worry about whether the parties are too difficult for the children. We wonder what it is like for them to wonder if a family will find them.

Then we wonder what will happen if we don’t host the parties. These events bring hope into the lives of the children, too.

A year ago three children (a sibling group of two who were 6 and 11; and a 14 year old) found their forever families at a similar party at Boondocks.


Just imagine what wouldn’t have happened if we hadn’t had that party.

Last fiscal year at The Adoption Exchange 478 volunteers contributed 13,896 hours of time to help give vulnerable children a future.

And you made it happen. Last year we counted 457 adoption matches. That’s just about one adoption per volunteer.

Maybe you’ve thought about volunteering and just haven’t done it yet. If that’s the case, let me just say that there is a child who is missing the impact of your time and your love.
Click here to find out what you can do.

Jamee and I were talking last week about the emotional nuances of growing up adopted. And I remembered George Dibble. In the agony of relinquishing an infant son to adoption in 2003, he poured out his grief in a song. And then he distributed it as widely as he could.

He said, “I have written a song for the child I have just put up for adoption called Unknown Son. . . . One day if this child comes looking for me I’ll know I have at least left him a trail.”

A few years later, when I called to ask if I could include the lyrics of his song in the book we published, he called me back within 45 minutes. He apologized for taking so long, saying he needed a few minutes to wipe his tears away.

There are thousands of sons and daughters who remain unknown to those who’ve lost them. I’m not saying that they are unhappy about growing up adopted or that they don’t enjoy a deep and abiding love for the parents who raised them. I’m just saying that there are emotional complexities.

And there are thousands, like George, leave a trail in hopes of one day being found.

Efren G. Penaflorida, Jr. grew up in the city slums of Cavite, Philippines near a cemetery and a dumpsite. He was bullied as a boy and picked on by gangs, and soon lost interest in school. He was about to discontinue his studies when he got involved in an interactive support group that changed his attitude.

In 1997 Efren founded the Dynamic Teen company which is dedicated to street education and community projects in the cemetery and dumpsite where children are growing up without hope. His goal is to provide basic reading and writing skills and encourage children to love learning.

This young man was CNN 2009 Hero of the Year, Philippines. When he was in New York this past November he spoke to a room full of child welfare professionals. And he said this:

“I am the change I dreamed about. You are the change you hope for. Collectively we are the change the world needs.”

Pam Kiker is a fabulous real estate business woman. She is determined to help families find the right home. She says that until the family moves into their new house it is only a house. After they move in and live there it becomes a home.

She is equally passionate about finding homes – not houses – for children who wait for moms and dads to love them and give them a place to belong.

When Pam enters a room everyone pays attention. And it isn’t long before everyone knows about her passion. She received the annual Wednesday’s Child Award from The Adoption Exchange a few weeks ago because of her dedication to the children. She accepted the award on behalf of all of the people around her who share her commitment.

Following are excerpts from her acceptance speech:

“My part in all of this was just to tell [people] about The Adoption Exchange and our mission, just as (some 19 years ago) Larry and Jill DiPasquale told me…..The power of one – just one – person…the power of one loving family, the power of one child who has been loved and becomes a productive member of society, The Power of One is among the most powerful forces in the world.



“I know that many of you have heard about the butterfly effect where one small action creates a reaction that can be felt around the world….My wish for The Adoption Exchange and the children we serve is that each one of us might create that small action, take a little piece of our hearts and create that act of love that our children will feel, that action that helps our children find permanent loving families. For we all know that every thing we do and every thing we don’t do matters.



“Remember the power that you have. Each individual…has the ability to change the world…”

Pam is one who has done that.