Danielle Bush was a 16 year old in foster care when she wrote these words and shared them with members of Congress:

Our Cry
(Foster children of Today’s World)

We are lost, surrounded on all sides by pure
darkness
We are alone, with no one to follow
We look up to the sky and we call on our creator
We ask him to guide us to safety
We hear no response so we continue to stand
there in the darkness
We put our hands together and close our eyes
We try to think but our minds show us nothing
but the darkness our eyes see
We hear a voice in the distance but we can’t
understand what it is saying
We try to follow the voice
One by one we are swallowed into the blackness
that surrounds us
The voice continues to speak from a distance
There are two children left, they are trying to
find the voice
They cry out for help but the response is still
unclear
They continue to walk until one of the two
children is swallowed
The last child screams into the blackness

Did you even try to find us or did you just think we
would find you? Do you not understand that as we
tried to find you the blackness has swallowed us up
one by one? Did your heart not tell you to come
farther to find us? Did you not know that we were
blind and could not survive alone? When we needed
you the most you let us down. Now we have been
swallowed by this blackness and it will be
harder to reach us!

I believe that our actions form our reply to Danielle. In dedicating our hearts to the mission and our skills to the work of giving every vulnerable child a safe and loving family, we tell Danielle, “We heard your cry. We are listening. And we won’t give up for you.”

Jake has visual proof of what happens over time. When you’re up close, the changes are almost imperceptible. But after a bit of time, if you step back and look again, you see it. The proof is right in front of you.

The proof is in the photographs Jake shows us.

Several years ago he and Sandra adopted a sibling group. Their first family photograph brought tears. Everyone was smiling. All of us who saw the picture couldn’t keep from smiling and crying.

All of their hope for the future is evident in Jake’s and Sandra’s smiles. You can see their confidence in their roles as parents. You can see how eager they are to grab those children and hold them close. We can’t help but share their pride.

The new children, on the other hand, are smiling for the camera. They like the attention they’re getting. They’ve been groomed and coached, and they’ve cooperated for the photographer. But they are not smiling from their hearts. All in all it is a great picture of a collection of two happy, hopeful adults posed with a sibling group of cooperative children.

I can imagine little clouds over the heads of each of the people in the picture like you see in cartoons. One of the boys is thinking “I can’t wait to go ride that big wheel again.” While Sandra is thinking, “I’ve been waiting for this moment. This is the culmination of many months of waiting and planning and paperwork.” Jake’s cloud tells us, “Well, here we are. We did it! They belong to us now.”

A year later the family photograph documents some changes. The children are quite a bit taller, and their smiles seem more relaxed. The cloud over Sandra’s head says, “I think they are learning to love me.” Jake’s says, “I’m a pretty good dad most of the time.”

A few years later it is strikingly evident. All of the attention created by the newness of the adoption has worn off. Friends and teachers let Jake, Sandra and the kids blend into the community. In this photograph the faces and body language reflect a real family.

On National Adoption Day Judge Boatright said, “Adoption is a promise acted out over a lifetime.” He got that right. A lot happens between photo-shoots. There are quarrels, disciplinary meetings at school, music lessons, family therapy, picnics, birthdays, home work, learning to ride bikes, report cards, hugs, packing lunches, flu shots, doing laundry, playing sports, and so on.

Becoming a family is not an event. It happens over time. Post-adoption services are available to help families keep their promises. Click here to learn about lending libraries, support groups, qualified therapists, training workshops, newsletters, and more.

Nancy prefers peace. But she will fight for children.

She is an adoptive mom, a psychotherapist, a trainer and a writer. Our world is made better by Nancy’s wisdom. Here is a peek into her opinions about war.

“More than half million children live in foster care in the United States. Most are there because of a personal war of abuse and/or neglect. No twenty-four hour coverage by embedded journalists chronicles their story. No president promises them a quick end to their plight; no congress rallies around their need with emergency allocations. The fight against terrorism does not extend to the personal, private terror of vulnerable children.

What if, just once, our leaders directed their passionate patriotism toward a pre-emptive strike against the evil axis of poverty, neglect, violence and racism? What if it was a national imperative that all children lived in safe homes…

Now there’s one war I could support.”

In an article for Adoptive Families magazine, Nancy offers some useful suggestions for parents as they talk with their children’s teachers about adoption.
Click here to read more.

If you would like a copy of her article, titled At War, she invites you to simply email her and request a copy.

Chris grew up in foster care.

Following a six-week internship with Senators and Congressmen through the Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute, this is what he said:

“If you were considering companies to invest in, you would not choose a company that was … almost guaranteed to fail. But you have stepped up and made that very investment.”

He was talking about the personal, financial and emotional investment in children in foster care – children who come from circumstances that strip them of opportunities to learn and grow into their potential.

They’ve missed out on team sports (who would pay for their uniforms, or drive the car pool, or cheer for them from the sidelines?). They have likely moved from one school to another, so they’ve lost the chance to develop lasting relationships with teachers, coaches and friends.

But there are people who take the risks – people who do in fact invest in the dreams of those young people.

Here at The Adoption Exchange last fiscal year families invested in the futures of 393 children from foster care through adopting. Hundreds volunteered their time, contributed financially, or dedicated their professional skills to help make the dreams of those children come true.

Books are good. But great advice can also be short, to the point, and easy to remember.

In September an adoptive mom had three pieces of advice for newly adopting parents:

• Make use of all of the resources available to you and your family;
• Create time for yourself; and
• Establish the life and schedule you want from the very beginning – don’t wait for everyone to settle in.

For recommended books and articles with more advice, click here.

Arta Banks has had plenty of what she calls “inside-out kind of days.” And she also has plenty of ability to turn those days around. She sees the beautiful things in life, and she shared some stories in a book she titled Wrong Feet First.*

So when Mike called this week to tell me how Arta’s book recently inspired and comforted him, I wasn’t really surprised. When a social worker asked her why she wanted to adopt older children with problems associated with previous abuses, Arta’s answer was, “Why not?”

And she quoted Jan Howard: “Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family. Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one.”

One of Arta’s messages is that every one of us has something to learn and something to teach. And that’s how she lives her life.

*Wrong Feet First: A Gift of Stories for Your Inside-Out Kind of Day, Lovegifts Publishing, PO Box 201388, Denver, CO, 2001.

Adoption is a beautiful thing. But it isn’t just an ending. It is also a beginning.

It isn’t just wonderful. It is born of heartbreak.

Last week the court finalized the adoption of a seven year old, whose sisters had been adopted by another family. It was a warm occasion, with judge and caseworkers and parents smiling.

Someone asked the new adoptee how she felt. “Sad, happy and angry,” was her reply.

• Sad: She is separated from her siblings, and she lost her first family.

• Happy: She is loved and safe.

• Angry: She is afraid of what might happen, and she is just beginning to love the people who will have control of her life.

It makes sense that the children harbor a cauldron of conflicting emotions. That’s why support services and educational opportunities for adoptive parents and their children are so very important.

Click here to learn about post-adoption services

Today the lobby at our Colorado office is full of giggles, dried leaves that have been tracked in on the bottoms of dozens of feet, and last minute primping.

Photographer, Nastassja Zappolo has come to spend the day.

Volunteers greet each adoptive family, and of course there are snacks. Louis was just tall enough to grab one of each kind of cookie to take along as he left with his family. His hands were full, so he couldn’t wave goodbye. But of course he didn’t care.

Each of the families has its own story. For some, the visit creates a full circle. This is where they came a little over a year ago to learn about adopting. This is where some have volunteered.

This is the place that they’ve turned to for answers to their questions before and during the adoption process . . . and a place that will continue to provide support services long after their adoptions are final.

Today’s pictures will be framed and placed on mantles or dressers and carried in billfolds. They will be put on holiday cards. And they will be added to snapshots and pictures yet to be taken, marking the progress of each family into the future.

There are teenagers who are busy texting while they wait their turns. And there is a little one who won’t let her mom get more than a few inches away from her.

The conversations sound just like you’d expect from families that are trying to get everyone to sit still or smile at the same time. Except for one thing.

They are just about like every other family you know…..except these children almost didn’t make it into the pictures.

If it hadn’t been for the determination and expertise of caseworkers, judges, volunteers, donors and our own staff these children might still be among 107,000 who are about to spend the holidays without families.

Click here to visit The Adoption Exchange website