Dr. Dixie van de Flier Davis
Every Adoption Journey Began With Loss
Adoption itself isn’t sad. But the circumstances that lead to the need for it break our hearts.
Like all changes in life, the process isn’t without pain and loss. As adoptive parents come to love their child and are confronted with the devastating consequences of that child’s losses, they are haunted. “I wish I had been there to be his parent in those first years. I wish I could have protected him from all of those experiences that left these scars.”
Suzanne recently looked back over her years as an adoptive mom. This is what she said:
Out of deep sorrow came my greatest joy. I have been enriched immeasurably by each child and his or her special place in our family. I have had to repeat the Serenity Prayer more times than I can count while adjusting my expectations to accommodate for reality. Meeting challenges far beyond anything I could have imagined are mostly responsible for my many wrinkles and high blood pressure.
Yet I love being the mother of a multi-cultural family and know that I would be missing something very special if all of them had inherited my genes and looked like me.
I am a better person for taking this fork in the road when I was only 22 and adopted for the first time. It was the beginning of an unexpected and amazing journey.
When we let it, adoption transforms every one of us who is involved.
Kenni was eleven when she was adopted after years of neglect that often left her without food or a warm place to sleep. She was left alone for long periods and felt the only one who cared about her was her dog. She said, “I now know that a Mother and a Father are not [people] who give birth to you – it is someone who loves you and takes care of you.”
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