I’ve been thinking about milestones. There has never been a day in the last thirty years that I’ve wanted to be anywhere else or do anything other than what we do at The Adoption Exchange. But it’s time for me to look back over the past years and ahead to the next.

Families all over the country are celebrating bittersweet milestones this time of year. It’s the season for graduations and weddings. Parents, relatives and friends look with wonder at the faces of the graduates, brides and grooms. How quickly they’ve grown. Weren’t they tiny children just yesterday?

Once, not so long ago, we worried that they’d not be ready for today’s challenges. The tables have turned; and it is us who aren’t really ready to see these days arrive.

It happens so fast.

Thirty years ago The Adoption Exchange was made up of a dedicated group of child advocates, adoptive parents and adoption professionals. We knew we had to step up our efforts because children were growing up in foster care.

That was 6,946 adoptions ago. Today I can scarcely go anywhere without running into someone who has been touched by the work of this organization. In these short years it has grown into a pretty remarkable center for service and education before, during and after the adoption process.

Well, guess what. I grew and I got older right along with all of the children.

I used to think I’d know when it would be time for me to retire because I’d wake up one morning and realize I wanted to do something else. But that didn’t happen.

I thought I’d run out of ideas and energy. That didn’t happen, either.

But I’ve always had a need to plan ahead for The Adoption Exchange. And so the Board of Directors has worked with me to find and mentor my successor. And I’ll be retiring on August 15.

Kate Trujillo, Ph.D., will bring her talents to the position of Executive Director of The Adoption Exchange. With our capable staff, dedicated Board of Directors and incredible volunteers and supporters…and all of the adoptive parents…I know the work is in the best of hands.

I’ll be working a couple of days a month because I want to continue to be part of this great purpose, as I know you do. I’ll continue blogging for a while. I hope you’ll share your memories with me, as I’ll be doing with you.

Our work isn’t done yet.

For more information about what’s changing and what isn’t changing at The Adoption Exchange click here.

Young people who have experienced the utter loneliness of being foster children can relate to the lyrics of Mary Gawthier’s music:

I don’t trust my heart any more
It’s busted open, bruised, beat up and sore

Some find it uncomfortable to listen. Truth is often uncomfortable. The Foundling is a haunting, disturbing CD. The emotions evoked by this music are daily companions for many thousands.

When you’re meeting someone face to face for the first time, you wonder how it will be. What will they notice? How should you dress? What do you say?

I listened while two adopted teenagers interviewed each other about what surprised them most when they first met their adoptive parents.

Ashley’s adoptive parents were in their late forties. She said she’d never thought she’d be adopted by people who were so old.

Then it was Mike’s turn to answer the question. He’d been adopted by a younger, single man. His big surprise? “I never expected to be adopted by someone who is bald!!”

Ahhh, teenagers.

I found this poem by Gerald G. Jampolsky, M.D., in a book titled A Grateful Heart.

As a child
    I was told and believed
        that there was a treasure
            buried beneath every rainbow.

I believed it so much that
    I have been unsuccessfully
        chasing rainbows
            most of my life.

I wonder why
    no one ever told me
        that the rainbow
    and the treasure
        were both
            within me.

Thanks to all of the therapists, lay counselors, teachers, aunts, uncles, and adoptive parents who help the children find the treasures within themselves.

M.J. Ryan, Editor, A Grateful Heart, Conari Press, Berkeley, CA, 1994.

Adoptive parents help their children make sense of the past. The tragedies that happened to them were not their fault. And their lives were not completely tragic. There were family members they loved and lost.

No one really leaves the past behind. It comes with us as we grow and create meaning from it. The children are good human beings. Who they are becoming includes everything past and present.

Well known author James Michener said, “I was born to a woman I never knew and raised by another…I do not know my background, my lineage, my biological or cultural heritage. But when I meet someone new, I treat them with respect. For after all, they could be my people.”

Personal Glimpses, Reader’s Digest, August, 1989

• The photograph of a sibling group of four. These Nevada boys are 5, 6, 7 and 9.

Their smiles are just about the next best thing to hearing them laugh. I can just imagine the four of them climbing around on monkey bars in someone’s back yard. This photograph should be hanging on the living room wall in their permanent home. When we find those parents, these boys will bring four times the chaos and four times the love into their new family. Better get busy.

• Jamal enjoyed his visit to the Rockies ball field. But when the visit was over he

had something else on his mind. He said, “I know I’ll be adopted because I was on TV.” I felt a moment of panic. Oh, what if no one who watches calls? What else can we do to be certain that Jamal’s mom and/or dad find him? Better get busy.

• Chris is here in the office. A former Wednesday’s Child, he decided to

volunteer at The Adoption Exchange to fulfill his 60 hour high school internship commitment. It’s a remarkable way for him to give back. He’d better not catch anyone around here goofing off, because there are thousands of children just like him who are waiting for us to find their families. Better get busy.

• Lauren is getting married. I don’t suppose I’m as excited as she is, but I’m

thrilled nonetheless. I’ve glimpsed the solid bond between her adoptive mom and dad. And I’ve met her grandparents. She has fabulous role models and wonderful grandparents for her own children yet to come. Better get busy so we can do this for hundreds – no, thousands – more.

The Isaacs wrote and recorded a beautiful song to recognize adoptive parents. When I hear that song, I think of hundreds of families I know.

(chorus) He’s a hero and she’s a hero
It doesn’t matter that nobody knows their name
They keep on giving to make life worth living
Might go unnoticed but they’re heroes just the same

They wrote this song for you, Mary. They wrote it for Frank and Carla, for Mike and Ellie, for Buddy, for Bev, and for Donna and Jannelle. To all of you who claim the children, give them safe haven, love them without reservation, and urge them into society – this song is about you.
It’s titled Heroes. Look for it here.

Drive over the crest of Kenosha Pass on Colorado’s highway 285, and you’re greeted by a panoramic view of mountain meadows that stretch out to the Continental Divide. At the foot of the pass is a 2,250 acre ranch that was home to Dutch and Catherine for 35 years.

They never lived flashy. It’s their steady approach to living their lives that is remarkable. They’re not just great foster and adoptive parents. They’re simply good people.

They’ve been married 66 years. They began doing hard, physical work before they were old enough to vote. And they never took a vacation.

Always acting with a clear sense of who they are, Dutch and Catherine have been generous with their love to people they know, and people they don’t know.

They had one child by birth and adopted a second. Catherine ran a day care center because she just couldn’t keep from mothering children around her who needed a reliable adult in their lives.

There was no firm drop-off or pick-up time at her day care center. If parents needed extra hours in the evening, Catherine fed and bathed the children, and had them in their pajamas when their parents picked them up. If they needed to arrive early in the morning, they were welcome for breakfast.

When neighbors needed assistance of some kind, they called Dutch or Catherine, who could always be counted on.

They leave beauty behind them no matter what they do. Spend time with them and their daughter and son-in-law, and you’ll leave with a smile on your face and in your heart.

When it was time for them to retire, Dutch and Catherine knew they wanted to leave their land for the sanctuary of the mountain wildlife and the benefit of the citizens of the state. If you drive over the pass today, you can thank Dutch and Catherine for the vast, unspoiled beauty that greets you.

They became foster parents to 35 children and foster grandparents to one whose vulnerability touched them deep at the core and who they quietly determined to protect.

Catherine had a stroke a few years ago. But she still gives a loving, one-armed hug you’ll never forget.

Kim tells me that she and her husband are moving.

As with every new thing, there are losses involved. Kim is expecting some rough times for everyone as they move to a city where they know no one. But they’re also excited about new opportunities. And Kim’s husband’s job is waiting.

There will be great new places to visit, a new house, and new places to play. And there will be losses when they say goodbye.

Of course they had to share this decision with their five children, some of whom are adopted.

They expected the kids to balk, and she knows they’ll have to make adjustments to a new neighborhood and new schools. But Kim was surprised at the reaction her seven-year-old son had when he heard the plans.

He was upset at the idea of leaving his friends! If you’ve not raised a child from foster care, you might not understand the thrill of being a parent of a child who balks at leaving his friends.

Kim thinks it’s a good sign for a child who’s had attachment problems.

And this time this little boy won’t be handling the losses alone. This time his parents are moving with him.