You are currently browsing the Adoption Lives Transformed weblog archives for May, 2012.
Archive for May, 2012
Dixie van de Flier Davis, Executive Director
Thank You, Marty!
I wonder what Marty is doing today. She is 33 years old now. She lived in Idaho when she wrote a note and mailed it to our office in 1989, roughly 6,901 adoptions ago. This is what she said:
Dear Wednesday’s Child,
I hope you find homes for all the children. I have always wanted a little brother or sister from Wednesday’s Child. I am 10 years old. . . I like you a lot.
Your friend,
Marty
P.S. Wednesday’s Child – I like you!
Marty’s mom enclosed a check for $1.00, representing Marty’s gift from her own allowance.
If you’re reading this, Marty, I want you to know that your gift helped us find families for children waiting in foster care. It arrived just when we needed it. And we needed the inspiration and the love that came with your donation.
We like you a lot, too! Thank you.
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Learn more about Dixie.
Dixie van de Flier Davis, Executive Director
What Chris Wanted
Chris was 12 years old. And these are my notes from his Wednesday’s Child television shoot:
Reporter: What kind of family would you like?
Chris: Just a loving family.
Reporter: A family who would take you to gymnastics and football games
and baseball games?
Chris: Whatever they can do, I’m fine with.
Yep, we got the point. So did the viewers. And Chris got his wish.
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Learn more about Dixie.
Dixie van de Flier Davis, Executive Director
Wisdom from Michael Oher
May is National Foster Care month. When we think of thousands of children in the United States who are living in foster care, it would be easy to get discouraged.
But I’d rather not. I’d rather focus on what works.
Michael Oher wrote this:
The numbers can seem overwhelming, and it can be hard to imagine that anything you have to offer could possibly make a difference with so many kids in the foster system and stuck in terrible neighborhoods and bad home situations. But you have to remember that every small act of love and concern makes a difference to that child.
“And as I have learned, a lot of tiny gestures of kindness can add up to something great.”
Oher, Michael, I Beat The Odds, Gotham Books, 2012
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Learn more about Dixie.
Dixie van de Flier Davis, Executive Director
Today’s Quote
“I don’t have to have the feeling that there is an empty spot in my heart anymore.”
Reina, speaking about her adoption
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Learn more about Dixie.
Dixie van de Flier Davis, Executive Director
Ray Remembers
Ray Martinez spent his first years in a Colorado orphanage. He remembers listening to heels clicking against the floor at night as he fell asleep.
One night the clicking noise stopped next to him, and he was lifted out of his bed. A gentle voice whispered to him and asked him to be quiet so he wouldn’t wake the other children.
That person carried him to the arms of a loving couple who became his adoptive parents.
As Ray told his story to adoption professionals this spring, every person in the room was drawn into her own memories. In the room were people who had performed similar acts with other children.
Later in the day Jennifer remarked about her thoughts as she heard Ray speak. “What about the other children who also listened to the heels clicking on the floor…..and wished those heels would one day stop for them?”
It hurts to think about the children who are left behind.
You can read Ray’s story in his book, Baby Boy R. Visit his website at www.raymartinez.com.
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Learn more about Dixie.
Dixie van de Flier Davis, Executive Director
Forgiving
Jack Kornfield wrote a book titled The Art of Forgiveness, Lovingkindness, and Peace. He reasons, “Forgiveness releases us from the power of fear. It allows us to see with kindly eyes and rest in a wise heart.”
Who wouldn’t want to see with kindly eyes? Who wouldn’t want to live with a wise heart?
Adoptive parents know that forgiveness is the necessary beginning for healing. But knowing isn’t doing. It’s human nature to cling to our anger and fear.
In the world of adopting there is plenty to make us angry. We hate what has happened to the children.
We loath the abuses, neglect, systemic delays, and misguided good intentions. So we have lots of chances to exercise forgiveness.
Any of us who know Kathy are very aware that she and her adopted son, Wayne, are incredibly close. But loving from a wise heart took a bit of time.
In the first months after adopting, Kathy remembers how fearful she was to share with her husband that she wasn’t emotionally attached to their son in the way she thought she should be. The admission itself brought immediate relief. Hearing her husband express his own fears helped set the stage for her to forgive herself for not being the perfect mom.
The ability to see herself, her husband, and each of their children through what Kornfield calls “kindly eyes” began to take shape.
Thirty years have passed. Wayne’s disabilities mean that Kathy and her husband are not empty-netsters like most of their contemporaries. They never will be. And Kathy says, “That’s okay with us.”
I think Kathy learned long ago not to try to change everyone else. But love changes the one who does the loving. Today when Kathy speaks about her family and the future, it is obvious that her words are spoken from a “wise heart.”
And I’d have to say that she has in fact been the perfect mom for Wayne.
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Learn more about Dixie.
Dixie van de Flier Davis, Executive Director
Today’s Quote
Today I’m grateful for all of the caseworkers, therapists, decision makers, donors, legislators, volunteers and adoptive parents who “see the sun” and give it space to shine.
You may think
I am a shadow,
But inside
I am a sun.
Damia Gates
Grade 4, Allendale Elementary School, California
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Learn more about Dixie.
Dixie van de Flier Davis, Executive Director
Brian and Benjamin
Brian recalls his initial meeting with Benjamin, who smiled, yelled, stomped his feet, screamed and refused to talk. In fact, experts had predicted that Benjamin might never speak…At their first meeting, Brian sat quietly across the room, holding a teddy bear and a book. After approaching him, giggling and running away repeatedly, little Benjamin shyly climbed into Brian’s lap, placed his hand on Brian’s face, and said, “Daddy!”
….It must have been a seminal moment for the little boy. When Brian recently asked Benjamin what his greatest memory is about the adoption process, he stated, “I remember calling you ‘Daddy, Daddy, Daddy!’ because I was so excited.”
Voice For Adoption shared Brian and Benjamin’s story with members of Congress through its annual Adoptive Family Portrait Project.
Voice for Adoption is a national advocacy organization, based in Washington DC. Nicole Dobbins, it’s Executive Director, knows what she is talking about when she describes the children in foster care. A few years ago she was one of them.
She wrote, “Children in foster care especially deserve, and want more than anything, for someone to hold them close to their hearts, nurture and cherish them. It is amazing what miracles can do and how severe trauma can be overcome when these children are placed in such an environment where they are loved, embraced and given an opportunity to flourish.”
Click here for more information on Voice for Adoption.
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Learn more about Dixie.
Dixie van de Flier Davis, Executive Director
Allan
Today Allan is reflecting on the incredible outcome of adoption. He just learned that he will soon be a great-grandfather.
He said, “This never would have happened to me if my son had not adopted my grandson!”
Everybody is pretty excited. And I’m smiling at the thought of this new life that is eagerly awaited. He will be safe, and will be loved without abandon.
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Learn more about Dixie.